The Miles

I started running in September. Finally, all my kids would be in school and after a decade of neglect, failed attempts at excercise and taking care of myself, I knew I had to repair my broken house. I would finally have time to myself on a regular basis when I wasn't commuting to work or having to pay a babysitter. I began running. I started out slow--just one mile. My heart skipped into palpitations and my breathing got so labored I thought I was having the "big one". I learned what has become true of every run. The first mile is the hardest. Before too many days passed I increased my distance and ran 2 miles. It was getting easier. I had time to myself to pray, think, enjoy nature, the sun--the wind, and my feet were carrying me--counting out the miles one stride at a time. A few weeks ago I began training for my first 5K and with the added incentive I bumped my distance up to 3 miles. What had seemed like a glass ceiling burst open and within a few weeks of breaking that barrier I am now up to 6 miles. I look forward to my runs, I plan them out googling maps and new routes on the computer. I like to time myself to see if I can beat my last time. I wondered as I lay there one night why it's so gratifying and why I have so quickly embraced this new endeavor.

I began thinking of motherhood--my profession now for more than a decade. As with so many things, the benefits and rewards of motherhood are not immediate. It is often a thankless, repetitive job. Don't get me wrong--I wouldn't trade it for anything, however for over a decade now besides working outside the home a few hours a week as a nurse, that has been my full time job. There are sweet moments of victory, when your child puts into practice something you have taught them, or displays kindness to a sibling. There are moments of blessing, and closeness, and savoring togetherness. But, there are lots of moments of, "Did you....", "Remember......", and "Don't........". There are lots of messes, there are lots of hurt feelings to soothe. The fruits of your labor and toil of your efforts are not always evident. That's not the case with running.

When I run, the harder I work the further and faster I go immediately. When I run, within 1 hour I get to reap the reward of my labor--I get home, feeling exhilarated, having enjoyed time to myself and the beautiful outdoors. There are very few things in my life with immediate results like that. I am not a patient person. Motherhood has stretched me and made me grow in ways I never thought I could. I have learned so much from my kids, and I have been forever changed, I think, for the better. Running has given me joy. I don't need immediate results on the home front--I get that when I pound the pavement. With my kids in school now, there is so much beyond my control--they need to put their own effort forth. As much as I try to help, in many ways they are accountable for those results now. Running is within my grasp.

Some seeds take a while to bloom. They have a tough outer layer that the elements must break down before the rain and the sun and warm and soften the tender plant awaiting inside. Some seeds sprout almost immediately and everytime you visit the garden, it seems there is more growth to admire. A good gardner usually has both types of plants growing in their garden. A good gardner tries to plan their harvest for a good steady and even crop. I have been tending my seedlings that will take awhile to bloom for many years now. While I have enjoyed working the soil, and tending these little plants--I am so glad to be able to plant something that will bloom in a very short time. It will give me great joy, and keep my heart at peace, and allow me space and time to talk to God about my other crop that's growing. While I know they won't bloom immediately, I'm certain that with tender care, and a well rested and content gardener they will become the beautiful plants God intended.