Beauty for Ashes

In 1 month Peter and I will be celebrating our 10th anniversary. Many women my age are celebrating almost double that--but for me it is an important milestone. It is the 10th anniversary of when the Lord made beauty out of the ashes of my life. I had been married for nearly 8 years and was 4 months pregnant with Isaac when my husband at the time announced he no longer wanted to be married and he didn't want to be a father. It was devastating. I will not delve into all the details because they are not important now--except to say at some point in our lives God will give each of us a chance to show us His provision. We can choose to allow Him to control the outcome, and make beauty from the ashes of our life, or we can struggle and strive like a fish out of water clamoring for the next breath--instead of looking up to the very Giver of Life who allowed this trial in our life.

Out of pure emotional and physical exhaustion God sovreignly put me in a place where I had no ability or means to fix what had transpired. There were no choices in my hand, only the choice to walk forward in faith and know that if I was going to raise Isaac and be a single Mom unexpectedly, that God would provide and take care of me and my child. I decided that since I wasn't capable of working out the details, and was powerless to change almost everything-- I had to let go and let God.

He came through abundantly as He always does. Answered prayers and provision rained down on me. No, my marriage wasn't saved--but God had other plans. Through it all He taught me to trust Him for everything---even for unanswered prayer. I learned a "No" from a loving Father is as much a provision as a "yes". I learned that being still and waiting is an excercise in faith, and that even when you don't see God's hand moving--He is working behind the scenes, in hearts, never resting, never ceasing to love and care for those who trust in Him.

I learned that sometimes God gets your attention by knocking you on your butt and taking all your stuff away. And, while not a pleasant lesson--it certainly makes a lasting, lifetime impression.

I learned that God works through people--moves in them and in circumstances to show himself--not in blinking neon signs that point the way.

I learned personally how God can take the biggest tragedy I have experienced and turn it to good--in such a profound way that I can look back and rejoice that I went through it. How is that possible? How does He take something so dark, so tragic, so heartbreaking and turn it into the best thing? I don't understand it.

I understand this. God redeems that which the locusts consume. He gave me Peter. He brought me a tender, loving, wonderful man. God constructed our family from ashes. I don't know how He does that--but I'm grateful He does. In one month we will celebrate that milestone--the 10th anniversary of God's miraculous work. Amazing love....how can it be?