bionic Ears and Other Parental Superpowers

Bionic Ears and Other Parental Superpowers


If you are a parent you have probably never thought about yourself as a superhero, but everyday you perform wonderful feats of physical prowess. For example, the other day I was going through mail as our children played in the other end of the house. They had asked to watch a movie, but I had told them, “later”. Over the sound of opening letters and crumpling paper I heard the distant, faint clicking sound of a DVD case being opened, yards away. Busted! I called out the child’s name who I expected was in violation of the “later” order. The culprit, correctly identified, came scuffling down the hall. Parents exhibit these superpowers daily. Over a myriad of other household noises, unseen to eyes, think of all the faint sounds of mischief you have intercepted. Not even kryptonite could keep an attentive parent from the task of protecting their fledglings from unknown dangers and untold “naughties”.
Can you identify a child by only the pitter patter of her feet coming down the hall? If someone coughs do you know who it is? If your child cries on the playground, can you pick him out amidst other cries and squeals of laughter? Then you are also gifted with bionic hearing and parental superpowers! I have witnessed this ability in almost every parent I’ve ever known.
We recently watched “March of the Penguins”. In one of the scenes I was amazed as the baby penguins, left on the ice alone by mothers who must start the almost 70 mile trek to the ocean to feed, await their father’s return. Even though there are throngs of squawking infant penguins greeting the returning father’s, they correctly identify which baby penguin is theirs. As I thought about human parents, I realized we have this same gift. I have seen my friends in a playgroup leave the room in an instant when they hear a faint cry from their toddler in the other room. The other Moms continue their conversation and hardly miss a beat, until they hear something amiss with their child.
Hand in hand with this amazing power to hear and correctly identify your young, is the ability to tune out unwanted stimuli. This is called, “selective listening”. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. Toddlers love to exhibit this behavior, but you may even recognize it in yourself. Before I had kids I would sit in a restaurant next to unruly children and wonder how the parents could possibly be so oblivious. Oh how sweet the ignorance! Little did I realize that it’s not lack of compassion, or ambivalence. It’s called survival. You see even the most cautious and loving parent after a certain point begins to tune out noxious stimuli. Eventually most parents “come to” and correct the problem. But sometimes the noise and business of childhood can become like the low roar of an airplane engine. After awhile, it’s reassuring because you know the plane is still in the air, and it lulls you to sleep. This is my theory for explaining why the same Mother can hear the tinkling of a forbidden cookie jar opening from yards away, but seems not even to notice the child bouncing off the walls in the doctor’s office, right next to her. She has a sense that her child is generally well, given the fact that his voice echoes off the walls. She senses his movement, as he bounces from chair to chair performing gymnastics that defy many laws of nature. Throw in a few nights of sleep deprivation, a traumatic grocery shopping trip, and you have a Mom exhausted from sensory overload who fails to act. However, when that same child does a double twisting somersault off the end table, and bumps his forehead on the way down, that bedraggled Mom will leap to her feet in a nanosecond, defying gravity. She will scoop up her injured cub faster than Spider Man could spin a web to soften the blow.
Besides bionic hearing, and the ability of selective sensory input, there’s the rarely celebrated super power of multi-tasking. There are few jobs other than parenthood where you get to bounce an infant on one hip, stir a pot of soup with the other hand, clasp a phone between your ear and your shoulder, fix your toddler’s stuck wind up car with your free foot and download pictures for the Grandparents all at the same time. Amazing! Truly a study in physical prowess, no matter what shape the parent is in. It’s probably a good thing that no one really knows what the physical demands of parenthood will be before they undertake it.
Perhaps in time our culture will come to appreciate the mental stoutness, physical fortitude and ingenuity that parents display daily. When that happens I expect that the Olympics will be changed forever. The venues may include such things as running a measured course with three kids hanging off your legs, and changing diapers at the speed of light. Perhaps the all time coveted prize would go to the “Iron Mom” who braves screaming toddlers and nagging teenagers while pushing 100 pounds of groceries through a store, all the while avoiding purchases that contain Saturated Fats. Ahhhh. That will be the day.

Kim Mihelich